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Art of Living HOW TO LIVE IN HARMONY WITH YOURSELF Trust your Sense of Values

By:   |   Jul 08, 2018   |   Views: 27   |   Comments: 0

Art of Living





are core beliefs which guide and motivate attitudes and behaviour.

When you value something you want it (or want it to happen).

Values are relatively permanent desires.

Values are answers to the €œwhy question.

You keep on asking €œwhy questions until you reach a point where you no longer want something for the sake of something else. At this point you have arrived at a value.

Let's take an example - I was once teaching a Post Graduate Professional Programme at a premier university, a centre of excellence, and I asked a student, €œWhy are you doing this academic course?

€œTo gain qualifications, he answered.

€œWhy do you want to gain qualifications?

€œTo succeed in my career.

€œWhy do you want to succeed in your career?

€œTo reach the top.

€œWhy do you want to reach the top?

€œTo get power.

€œWhy do want do you want power?

€œTo control people, he answered.

€œWhy do you want to control people?

€œI want to control people.


€œI like to control people.


€œJust for the sake of it - I like controlling people, he said and further why's elicited similar responses related to control. [Control for the sake of control - that's when you discover your value!]

I realized that control was one of his values and maybe he was a future megalomaniac in the making!

The same line of questioning of persons undergoing higher education may reveal values like knowledge, money, status, standard of living, ambition, achievement, growth, reputation, excellence, fame.

Values are our subjective reactions to the world around us.

They guide and mould our options and behaviour. Values are developed early in life and are very resistant to change.

Values develop out of our direct experiences with people who are important to us, particularly our parents.

Values evolve within us not out of what people tell us, but as a result how people behave toward us and others.

Remember, there cannot be any €œpartial values; for example: you cannot be 50% honest (half-honest) - either you are honest or you are not honest!

Are you doing you MBA?

Keep asking yourself why you are doing it, and you will ultimately arrive at your value.

€œWhy are you doing your MBA?

€œTo learn the art of management.

€œWhy do you want to learn management?

€œTo get a good job in a top firm as a manager.


€œTo make more money.


€œTo have a high standard of living.

The person I was talking to re-iterated here, again and again, since standard of living was his value but you can go on and on till you find your true core values.

In one case I was surprised to find conformance as a prime value in a student of MBA - she was doing MBA because everyone else, especially most of her friends, were doing MBA!

With the rise and predominance of the utility value of education, the most important criterion for ranking B-Schools is the pay-packet their students get and not other factors like the quality of faculty and infrastructure, academic achievements and ambience etc.

That's why there is a rush towards IT and Computer Science as compared to other more interesting and challenging branches of Engineering and Technology - money seems to be the cardinal value amongst students these days!

Some do prefer the civil services even after completing their Engineering from premier institutions as, for these individuals, things like status, service, power, and maybe, patriotism may be important values.

  • Is a high salary important to you?
  • Is it important for your work to involve interacting with people?
  • Is it important for your work to make a contribution to society?
  • Is having a prestigious job important for you?

It is most important for you to find out your own values (by the €œwhy method) to avoid value mismatch.

Value mismatch is at the root cause of dilemmas in your life.

Even when you plan to marry or have a relationship you must look out for value mismatch.

A conflict between your personal and organizational values may result in ethical dilemmas at the workplace, while value mismatch between two persons may sow discord and cause stress and turbulence in a relationship.

Your values are possibly the most important thing to consider when you are choosing an occupation or workplace.

If you do not take your values into account when planning your career, there's a good chance you'll dislike your work and therefore not enjoy it.

For example, someone who needs to have autonomy in his work would not be happy in a job where every action is decided by someone else.

It is important to distinguish between values, interests, personality, and skills:

  • Values: the things that are important to you, like achievement, status, and autonomy.
  • Interests: what you enjoy doing, like reading, taking long walks, eating good food, hanging out with friends.
  • Personality: a person's individual traits, motivational drives, needs, and attitudes.
  • Skills: the activities you are good at, such as writing, computer programming, and teaching.

Of these, interests, skills and personality can be developed, but values are intrinsic core beliefs inherent within you. You have to look inwards, analyse, introspect, reflect and endeavour to discover your own true values.

Whether it is your work or relationships, value congruence is of paramount importance - your values must be in harmony for the relationship to tick.

Value Dissonance due to mismatch between individual values and organizational values can cause great strain and trauma at the workplace.

Even within yourself, in order to avoid inner conflict there must be no confusion about your true values.

Remember the saying of Mahatma Gandhi: €œHappiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Dear Reader, please sit down in a quiet place all by yourself, introspect, ask yourself the €œwhy question and find out your own values.

First know yourself. Then know others.

Try to ascertain your and their values (personal values and organizational values too!).

Avoid value-mismatch and value-dissonance to the extent feasible.

The extent of mutual harmony in your values should determine your choice of work, activities, relationships, friends and partner.

Is freedom an important value for you?

Is the career or job you are considering (or the person you want to marry or have a close relationship or friendship with) going to give you enough freedom?

Do you value leisure?

Oh, yes! Leisure is not only an important value but also a determinant of character - If you want to know about a man find out how he spends his leisure!

It's true in your case too - If you had a day off what will you do?

Would you read a book, write a story, go hiking outdoors, play your favourite sport, adventure sports, chat with friends, picnic, see a movie, eat your favourite cuisine in a restaurant, or cook it yourself, socialize in your club, spend the day at home with your family, study, play with your pet dog, or see TV at home, or just spend the day in glorious solitude enjoying quality time with yourself?

Or would you rather not €œwaste your leisure time and spend the day doing something €œuseful connected with your work, career or advancement towards €œachieving your €œgoals?

How you spend your leisure reveals vital clues about your values too!

Do you value humour, fun, pleasure, food, enjoyment, sex, family life, quality of life, status, money, success, fame, power, prestige, security, nature, loyalty, love, affection, independence, privacy, togetherness, tranquillity, adventure, leadership, followership, competition, contentment, creativity - look within, reflect, find out for yourself, and the values of others too who you want to relate with - match and harmonize your values, and be happy and fulfilled in your work and your relationships.

Remember, at any important milestone in your life, when you have to make a vital decision, whether you are on the verge of selecting a career, a job, a house, or a marriage partner - trust your sense of values!

In conclusion here is a quote from the German Philosopher Friedrich Hegel:

€œA man who has work that suits him, and a wife whom he loves, has squared his accounts with life


Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.


[email protected]

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